You put yourself out there, started catching feelings, and thought you might have found something special. Then, all of a sudden, they vanished into thin air. Ghosted. It hurts like hell, and you’re left wondering what you did wrong.

But have you ever thought about what the other person is feeling? I know it can be easy to think they just don’t care at all. But I’ll tell you, ghosting someone isn’t always easy on them, either. Sometimes they feel relieved it’s over. Other times though, they feel real bad about just dipping out like that. And believe it or not, sometimes they even change their mind later and want to come back!

Why People Ghost

Some people ghost simply because they don’t feel a strong enough connection or spark with the other person. After a date or two, they decide it’s not worth pursuing anything further and take the easy way out by cutting off contact completely. It’s not the nicest way to handle it, but for some people, it’s easier than having “the talk,” I guess.

Fear of Confrontation

For others, ghosting stems from a fear of confrontation or discomfort with difficult conversations. It’s easier for them to disappear than to have an honest discussion about why they’re no longer interested in talking or seeing the other person.

Lost Interest

In many cases, people ghost when they lose romantic interest or attraction to the other person. Maybe the chemistry faded, or they met someone new. Rather than communicating this openly, they choose to go radio silent, hoping the other person will just “get the hint”.

Grass Is Greener

Some serial ghosts are always on the lookout for someone new and better to come along. They love the thrill of the chase, but once they’ve “caught” the other person, they quickly lose interest and move on to the next target. These ghosts will disappear and reappear whenever the mood strikes them, or they need an ego boost.

Escaping Responsibility

For a small number of ghosts, disappearing is a way to escape responsibility for their actions or words. If they’ve made promises or emotional commitments they don’t intend to keep, ghosting is a convenient way to avoid accountability while also avoiding an awkward breakup talk.

How Ghosters Feel Immediately After Ghosting

Relief…At First

At first, they probably feel a sense of relief after ghosting someone. The anxiety and stress of an awkward conversation or breakup talk is avoided. They can move on with their life without the emotional hassle. But that relief is often short-lived.

Guilt Starts Creeping In

After a few days, the guilt may start to eat away at them. They realize the other person is probably confused and hurt by their sudden disappearance. They start to feel bad about how cowardly their actions were and how they took the easy way out. The guilt can be overwhelming, as they imagine how they would feel if the tables were turned.

Regret And Remorse

Regret and remorse are common feelings for ghosters. They regret handling things so poorly and wish they could go back and end things differently. They feel remorse for any pain they’ve caused the other person. These negative emotions can last for weeks or even months after ghosting someone.

Damage To Their Self-Esteem

Ghosting ultimately damages their own self-esteem. Their actions go against their values, and they feel disappointed in yourself. They see themselves as a coward who avoids difficult conversations and hurts people in the process. This can impact how they view themselves and lower their confidence in relationships.

The aftermath of ghosting someone is often far from easy. Sure, sometimes, it may temporarily relieve anxiety, but the guilt, regret, and damage to self-esteem that follow often make ghosters wish they had handled the situation differently. The easy way out usually isn’t the right way out. In the end, an honest conversation, though difficult, is the healthiest approach for everyone involved.

The Eventual Guilt That Can Set In

After the initial relief of cutting ties fades, feelings of regret and guilt often start to surface for the ghoster. They realize the other person is probably confused and hurt by their sudden disappearance. Even though ghosting seemed like an easy way out at the time, they now wish they had handled things differently and been more considerate of their feelings. The avoidance of discomfort for themselves has only led to greater discomfort in the long run.

Questions of “Why” Arise

They may find themselves plagued by questions about why they felt the need to ghost in the first place. Did you have unrealistic expectations of the relationship? Were they unable to communicate openly and honestly when issues arose? Were they simply unwilling to put in the effort required to end things respectfully?

The Urge To Reach Out Emerges

More than guilt, they feel remorse for their actions. They want to take responsibility, offer an apology, and gain closure. However, reaching out to the person they ghosted is complicated. They may not welcome their message or want an explanation.

As much as they want to absolve themselves of guilt, contacting them again could do more harm than good and re-open painful wounds. The healthiest approach is often to forgive yourself for your mistake and use it as an opportunity to grow.

Why They (Almost) Always Come Back

After some time has passed, the ghoster may start to miss the bond you two shared and eventually come back. The familiarity and comfort of your relationship may come back to haunt them, so to speak. They realize that cutting off contact completely was an overreaction and want another chance to make things right.

They Feel Guilty

For some ghosters, guilt over their actions starts to weigh on them. They know that disappearing without explanation was hurtful and disrespectful. This guilt, combined with nostalgia for good times you shared, motivates them to reach out in hopes you’ll forgive their temporary insanity.

Life Circumstances Have Changed

In some cases, the ghoster was dealing with personal issues that made them want to retreat from relationships at the time. But now, their situation has improved and they feel ready to reconnect. They hope you’ll understand why they needed to go off the grid for a while.

Of course, there’s no guarantee the ghoster will come back around or that you’ll want them back if they do. But time has a way of giving people perspective. The ghoster may come to view their actions in a new light and feel compelled to make amends. If they do return, you’ll have to decide whether their apology seems sincere and if you’re willing to give them another chance.

Ghosting Is..Almost Natural

If you’ve ghosted someone before, don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve all done it at some point. When you ghost someone, it can make you feel all sorts of things like guilt, relief, or just plain confusion. And if someone ghosts you, try not to take it personally. It is believed that over 40% ghosters come back at some point. Most of the time, when people ghost, it’s a pretty impulsive thing; they don’t really think it through. That’s why there’s a good chance they’ll end up reaching back out eventually.