You’ve got a hunch about that boy-next-door type. He seems straight as an arrow, but something in your gut tells you otherwise. Your gaydar is blaring, but you need confirmation before making any moves.
We’re serving up eight telltale signs that he’s just pretending to be straight. Pay attention to how he acts because if you pick up on at least three of these signs, chances are he bats for the other team!
He Gets Uncomfortable Around The Topic of Sexuality
If a guy gets weird whenever sex or relationships come up in conversation, it could be a sign he’s not being authentic. Maybe he tenses up or changes the subject abruptly. Or perhaps he makes insensitive comments meant to throw you off. Some men will even go out of their way not to answer simple questions like, “Are you seeing someone?”. And if they do answer, they’ll usually hit you with something like, “No, I’m single because I’m all about the career grind right now.”
His Body Language Changes Around Other Guys
See if he’s acting nervous or jittery when you talk, not making eye contact, fidgeting with his hands, maybe sweating a little. If he’s usually so confident, that could be a sign.
Also, notice how he’s acting around his other male friends. Is he all tense and standing right up on them? He might be trying too hard to prove how “straight” he is.
Listen to how he’s talking too. Does his voice get real deep suddenly or is he using words you don’t usually hear from him? It could be he’s trying to seem more “manly.”
And pay attention to how touchy-feely he is with girls versus guys. If he’s weird about touching the other dudes or seems uncomfortable, he might be putting on a show.
Exaggerated Efforts To Appear Masculine
Men who pretend to be straight often go out of their way to prove how masculine they are. He makes a big show of his interest in traditionally masculine hobbies like sports, cars, and weightlifting. He may make crude comments about women or brag about his sexual conquests—all to convince others (and maybe himself) of his heterosexuality.
His chivalry may also seem like an act, opening doors and pulling out chairs for women in an exaggerated “look at me!” kind of way. Real chivalry comes from a place of genuine care, respect, and politeness. He seems designed to broadcast, “Look how straight I am!”
Also, if you even jokingly suggest they might be into men, watch out – they’ll flip their lid and get so angry and defensive. But someone comfortable with who they are could just laugh it off or honestly say what’s what without losing it. When they rage that hard, it says something’s bothering them deep down inside.
He Makes Excuses To Avoid Intimacy or Romance
When a guy avoids intimacy or romance at every turn, it could be a sign he’s not really into women. Maybe physical affection makes him uncomfortable because he’s not attracted to women in that way.
He’s always coming up with reasons why he can’t stay over or have you stay at his place. “I have an early meeting” or “my place is a mess”, I’ve heard those before. After a while, you’ve got to stop believing those excuses. A man who’s really interested in you will make you a priority and want to spend time with you.
And sex is like a chore for him. He doesn’t initiate much and when you do, he just seems to want to get it over with real quick instead of making a real emotional connection. Watch out if there’s barely any foreplay, and he finishes up fast.
Plus, he never does anything romantic. No flowers just because, no little gifts, no love notes or compliments on how you look or how much you mean. Without that romantic feeling, there’s an 80% chance he is not straight.
Increased Focus On Physical Appearance
If he’s suddenly taking longer to get ready and is focusing a lot more on his physical appearance, it could be a sign he’s trying to attract male attention. Pay attention if he’s styling his hair more meticulously, updating his wardrobe, or wearing colognes when going out. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, a sudden intense focus on appearance could indicate he’s trying to impress another guy.
Sometimes, if a guy is in the closet and gay, he’ll really get into working out and building muscle to try and seem more masculine, you know, to deny being gay. So if he all of a sudden became obsessed with going to the gym and building muscle, it might be because he’s trying to fit that stereotypical straight guy image. Of course, hitting the gym alone doesn’t prove anything, but combined with other things, it could be part of a bigger pattern.
His Social Circle Seems Suspicious
All of his close friends seem to be single guys who are really into fashion, culture, and going out. Having friends with similar interests isn’t necessarily a red flag, but if all his buddies are these well-dressed, cultured dudes who love hitting up trendy bars, clubs, and brunches together and posting perfect selfies, it does make you wonder.
Sure, it’s not cool to stereotype a whole group, but in this case, the type of guys he hangs with seems kind of narrow. And the fact that he only hangs with guys who just care about superficial things could mean he feels more comfortable around them to be his real self.
Checking his social media also provides some clues. Does he follow and interact with a lot of attractive guys, especially ones nearby? And do those guys like and comment on his posts, too? You have to consider the possibility of flirting or hookups within that circle.
Again, none of this alone proves anything. But all together, the people he surrounds himself with and who he engages with online could suggest he’s actually more into guys than he lets on, and he’s going through a lot to keep up appearances.
Online Behavior
His social media profiles seem a little too curated. Does he never post any photos with female friends or past girlfriends? If he claims to be straight but there are no traces of women in his online life, that could be a sign he’s not being fully open about his sexuality.
Also, a lot of guys in the closet avoid posting anything online that might seem stereotypically gay. So, if he never talks about pop culture, fashion, or other interests that gay guys usually like, that could make you wonder. At the same time, though, some straight guys just aren’t into that stuff either, so look at other things, too.
Pay attention to who he follows and interacts with online. Does he often like and comment on other guys’ shirtless gym pics or posts showing off their bodies? Some straight men do follow hot male influencers and models, but if that’s mostly who they engage with, it could mean he’s into men.
Avoidance of LGBTQ+ topics
If a guy avoids any mention of LGBTQ+ topics around you, it could be a sign he’s not as straight as he claims. Obviously, not every straight guy is super vocal about gay rights or attends Pride parades. But if a dude dodges basic questions about your sexuality or relationships or acts confused when you bring up anything gay-related, his discomfort may point to some underlying bisexuality or attraction he’s not ready to acknowledge.
For example, if you casually mention an ex-girlfriend and he suddenly changes the subject, that’s probably because talking about that part of your life makes him uncomfortable with his own feelings. Or if you suggest going to a gay bar together and he makes up an excuse not to come, it’s likely because he doesn’t want to be around that scene at all. His avoidance of those topics, when it’s just you two talking, could mean he’s afraid certain things might lead to you questioning who he’s really into.
Remember..
..sexuality isn’t black and white – the Kinsey scale shows it’s a spectrum. If this is about a friend of yours figuring himself out, give him some space. Let him explore and be comfortable with who he is. And don’t put labels on people or assume you know them better than they know themselves. The best thing you can do is offer your friendship and support while letting people define their own identity. In the end, we’re all just people looking for love, friendship, and a sense of belonging.
